Wednesday, April 6, 2016

What happened when a Vegetarian ate a Big Mac...

For structuralists out there, I'm not strictly vegetarian. My fascist cousin prefers to call me "pescetarian" or as my neo-liberal friend prefers right after she sees me magically make a salmon cream cheese bagel disappear with my gluttonous bites, "flexitarian." The fact is that since May of 2011, I haven't eaten chicken, beef, pork, and lamb, for reasons that require another blog entry really. Generally, to help people who need to consume those four meat products the most, the logic is that by me not consuming (or as another friend prefers "boycotting") these four things I would help lower the price of it. "HOW!!!" My fascist cousin insists with her Californian accent to match, I say "duhhh law of demand and supply!!!"

I love (and still eat) seafood, fish (salmon! salmon! tuna! tuna!), dairy products (can't live without cheese), and recently tried duck (a la Pekin), and rabbit (confit). Ummhhh it was so yummy! 

I also happily choose to maintain this diet because it's very empowering, but to be honest it isn't hard after your first two months, eventually the temptation to eat a chicken nugget from McDonald's or a Big Mac or Meatballs wears off. How is it empowering? The discipline I have that I can be proud of. The impulse-control which eventually doesn't matter because you just get use to not eating something that temptations just go away. Same goes for ego-depletion here. 

Those things are only experienceable in the first months, then you just cascade into success! Isn't that lovely? There has been many dark moments in my life (as with anyone's) and one of my light-source is my success in controlling this evil habit of eating these highly reprehensible sources of protein. Which brings me to my final point, the last major reason that I decided to do it was because I was worried about the quality of these meat products. Battery-farming! Antibiotics! The amount of chemicals used to make these animals available at an industrial scale, not to mention GMOs! 

Fact: Since I stopped eating these four meat products, I've felt healthier, and the incidence of my illnesses (from seasonal flu to migraines) has rapidly decreased. Obviously, there can be a million attributable facts that one can suggest as to why I have gotten less illnesses, maybe the immunological strength that goes with age? Who knows? Another proof of my hypothesis is what I now call as my Lenin-moment.

One Tuesday ago (26th of January this year), I was walking around town thinking about Rosa Luxemburg's The Accumulation of Capital and just as I was about to pass by a McDonald's, I remembered the Big-Mac Index, and a particular scene in my political economy class when I was in university about how its trademark is its uniformity, and yet prices are different due to multiple factors dependent on economic ideological camps. But then also, I remembered how long it has been since I last had a Big Mac, and there right in front of my face was a promo for it. 

I was all of a sudden driven by a desire to test my theories and this multinational's main selling point, quickness and uniformity, a ver! I was tormented with questions, "What will happen to me if I tried a Big Mac?" "Does it really taste the same here (Buenos Aires)?" "What will my poop look like?" 

I decided to take the plunge, I was excited to figure out the answers to my queries, to have a taste of Big Mac again, and to see what will happen to me, how my body will react.

In short-I became Lenin. Leninism violated the rules established by Marx for communism. A thing we can't say about Red Rosa who not only obediently followed Marx, but did something more spectacular and significant, that is expand, build, enlarge, what Marx built, and most importantly, finished where he left off at something he failed to do. Red Rosa was no disciple, she was a prophet of her own right.

Remember that scene from that 2009 film with Tilda Swinton in it eating those prawns, a scene she would later refer to as "prawnography," I Am Love (Io sono l'amore) by Luca Guadagnino? Imagine that transpiring, the steadiness, the anticipation, the detachment, the exclusivity, inside a McDonald's corner, the slow-mo effect. I ordered perhaps one of the world's most ordered combo, large fries, Big Mac, and sparkling water (sorry I hate Coke).

I arrived home at around 4-ish in the afternoon, I felt weak, like I was gonna have a fever, I felt dizzy, sickly, dehydrated, after enjoying my Big Mac, which by the way doesn't taste exactly the same as in Hong Kong or in Manila, but the calorific value, the chemical contents, the evilness on that sinister box, was almost the same, and it was delicious. And by god did I pay for it!

I went out to buy blueberries, I figured heck these are rich in antioxidants, this will help me in my auto-purging session tonight. So I ate an apple, and lots and lots of blueberries with milk, so yummy, felt fresh again, clean, like an angel, but was still feeling the hangover of my Big Mac afternoon. 

The following morning, I pooped. As I was about to flush the toilet, I noticed something odd, and strange, my poop looked dramatically different, and it couldn't have been the apple and blueberries because I've eaten them in larger quantities before and never has it produced such amount of oddity in my morning ritual, so I decided to document the event, as a remembrance, and a pact to never again do another episode, just keep this Big Mac afternoon what it is, an episode of scientific inquiry.


WARNING! FOR EASILY GROSSED OUT PEEPS! OR IF YOU SIMPLY AREN'T IN THE MOOD TO SEE A SCIENTIFIC SPECIMEN…BEWARE
Observe the dark matter present in the photo…Jacobus Kapteyn would be so proud...




MY HYPOTHESES HAS LEAD TO AN EMPIRICAL DISCOVERY!

McDONALD'S MAKES YOU SICK! STOP! BASTA